The Gummy Bears of Hate and Destruction

I am so excited to bring to you the best set of reviews I have ever read in my life. Every time I’m bummed I read reviews for this particular Sugar Free Gummy Bears. I am going to quote below the top rated. I encourage you to read the rest online, they are all incredible in their own right. Get ready to cry with laughter. The other reviews include a dinner date gone wrong and a man with a stadium of people between himself and the toilet. This. Is. Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude

Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears 5LB Bag

42,602 of 43,285 people found the following review helpful

Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate.

By Christine E. Torok on October 3, 2012

Size Name: 5 lb Verified Purchase

Oh man…words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear “Cleanse”. If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety…I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there’s more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond) as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can’t imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don’t post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I’m not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I’m a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I’ve been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.

DEADPOOL: Accidentally on Purpose

A wonderful teen named Josh explained the origin story of Deadpool to me. I couldn’t believe that I was missing out on such an incredible part of the Marvel universe. It even includes a love triangle with Death, herself. Anyhow, I remember my first encounter with Deadpool in X-Men Origins, played by Ryan Reynolds where he… umm. Yeah, so I guess that explains why that failed. However, recently there was an “accidental” leak of Reynolds voicing Deadpool with all the wit and crazy a person has imagined Deapool to have. The best part about all the brand new excitement is that Josh convinced me to purchase a bunch of Deadpools. They actually all flew off the shelf within two days but I urge you to put them on hold for yourself ASAP by clicking the cover of the book below. (BTW remember your library card with you do this.) We also have a bunch more graphics and fiction ready for you to browse at Prosser. We have New Books and New Graphics web pages so you can see what we have. COME ON DOWN!

*UPDATE* Deadpool movie is now green-lit! See you in 2016 Reynolds. 

DEADPOOL “LEAKED” TRAILER

Complete Collection Volume 1

Complete Collection Volume 2

Complete Collection Volume 3

Complete Collection Volume 4

An Occurrence at Boardwalk Empire

HBO - Richard Harrow - gif

The final season of Boardwalk Empire started and I can’t stop mourning the death of Richard Harrow. He was the sharpshooting, World War I pal of Jimmy Darmody. Harrow wore a tin mask to cover up the devastating injury he received during the war. At that time medicine had evolved significantly and there were people surviving horrific traumas. This left a slew of war veterans who survived with disfigurements. A solution to these people going out in public were tin masks. Although it covered half of his face he gave the most emotionally powerful scenes in the whole show. **SPOILER** I noticed that Harrow’s death scene was an homage to a special and rare Twilight Zone episode, An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. If you haven’t seen either it’s worth your time. Nothing has quite haunted me like that episode. Click below for two of the most emotional and artistic cinematic death scenes ever.

http://youtu.be/d5GZJQYYVAE <Click for Richard Harrow’s Death (YouTube won’t share.)

**UPDATE**  It turns out that An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge is a short story by Ambrose Bierce. The short story was featured in Men At War edited by Ernest Hemingway. Believe it or not, it’s at PROSSER!!! We have it located at the branch. Put it on hold by clicking the cover of the book (remember your library card). The second to last passage in the story:

“Doubtless, despite his suffering, he fell asleep while walking, for now he sees another scene – perhaps he has merely recovered from a delirium. He stands at the gate of his own home. All is as he left it, and all bright and beautiful in the morning sunshine. He must have travelled the entire night. As he pushes open the gate and passes up the wide white walk, he sees a flutter of female garments; his wife, looking fresh and cool and sweet, steps down from the verandah to meet him. At the bottom of the steps she stands waiting, with a smile of ineffable joy, an attitude of matchless grace and dignity. Ah, how beautiful she is! He springs forward with extended arms. As he is about to clasp her, he feels a stunning blow upon the back of his neck; a blinding white light blazes all about him, with a sound like the shock of a cannon – then all is darkness and silence!”


COVER Men At War - Owl Creek

HBO Richard Harrow

Frozen 2: Who left the Fridge Open? (GUEST BLOG POST)

OUR GUEST BLOGGER: Julien is a recent high school gradute and Prosser Teen Veteran. 

Trust me I love 3D animation. The details of Elsa and Anna’s hair, and the ice…Frozen Fist Bump

(No. I didn’t draw this.)

For those of you who couldn’t get enough of Frozen, there was a live action Elsa, on ABC’s Once upon a Time, a month ago or so. (Christina: HOW SICk! I had no idea but I did find an awesome .gif of it).

Winter's Coming

Winter’s Coming…

But that was so long ago. There is an upcoming Frozen short, called, (Oddly enough) ‘Frozen Fever’, which some are calling Frozen 2, set to come out in Spring 2015.

*screams of Frozen fans* MY EARS!

So the plot of the short film. ‘…It’s Anna’s birthday and Elsa and Kristoff are determined to give her the best celebration ever, but Elsa’s icy powers may put more than just the party at risk.’ According to blogs.disney.com

HOLD IT!!

I thought Elsa powers were fixed when she learned the secret. Like, she had the ice show and everything at the end of the movie. (Christina: What’s with these people having terrible birthdays and childhoods?)

So she still has the problems?!

I guess we have to wait and see what Spring 2015 has in store for us.

(Christina: So we have the original Frozen its true title is The Snow Queen in the children’s department. It’s written by Hans Christian Anderson. We also have all of the Fables graphic novels that Once upon a Time and Grimm ripped off its main storylines from. Click on the image to place a hold with your library card).

COVER Snow QueenCOVER Fables

“If the ratings don’t kill us, the hormones will!” Happy 25th SBTB! 90’s throwback

Like you young one’s care…

Teen Librarian Christina Hill with her first love, Zack Morris.

Teen Librarian Christina Hill with her first love, Zack Morris.

I felt inexplicable joy from beginning to end watching The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story on Labor Day.  Based on all of the reviews I saw this morning, I might be the only person who loved it. It was so meta-! Like a Saved by the Bell episode about Saved by the Bell. I totally ate it up. In my day, we yelled, “OOOOOOOOOO” for every kiss. Then in college I had late nights with VHS SBTB on mute making up lines. Tell me something you younger Millennials, what do you have that comes close?!

SBTB just turned 25 years old, which makes me one year closer towards “don’t ask me my age” territory. I would also like to point out that “Zack or Slater” is totally the original “Team Jacob or Edward”. I was always an unshakable Team Zack.

I found an amazing youtube video that has teens react to my 90’s nostalgia. OMG and one of them is totally Arya Stark/ Masie Williams (from Game of Thrones!!!!!!!!). I think the only way to make this video more awesome is if Masie commented about SBTB in character as Arya. Anyhow, click below for Teens React to Saved by the Bell.

Made you flinch!

It’s old news by now and it’s bad news for my beloved JLA (Justice League America). I still think it’s a great idea to stock up on JLA graphic novels, despite Batman vs. Superman changing its release date. Remember my last post about the Maze Runner movie? Changing a release date means that the studio thinks it isn’t good enough to compete. Batman vs. Superman or (as Sarah from Cinesnark likes to call it) Superhero Face Punch, was moved immediately after the record breaking numbers for Guardians of the Galaxy was released. The nerd world is in a tizzy that DC/WB changed the release date in reaction to Guardians numbers.

I don’t care that DC/WB flinched and showed holes in their PR game. I think flinching is healthy. It’s a sign of being self-aware and preserving the brand. Here is a list of YA book to movie fails that should have flinched! Divergent, City of Bones, Vampire Academy, Beautiful Creatures, Hunger Games (Yeah, I went there). Here is a list of YA book to movie wins, like The Outsiders, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Harry Potter, Princess Diaries, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Ender’s Game.

Please email me and share your list of wins and fails for YA to book: CHill@libraryconnection.info

The one book I’ve been holding my breath for is Unwind and it just suffered another one year delay for their production. Sad face. It isn’t all bad news in the world of YA books to movies. Anna Dressed in Blood has had the movie rights purchased! It is one of the best written and appropriately creepy books I have read in a long time. I would never dare to read this before bed. I think this movie has serious potential, despite the fact Stephanie Meyer’s purchased the rights.

So let me conclude with an open letter to the producers of Batman vs. Superman:

I didn’t go out to see Superman at the theater and I could barely get through the first 10 minutes ON DEMAND. I would never entertain the idea of bothering with Batman vs. Superman. However, I would totally see a move called Superhero Face Punch without reason. So please, consider a name change.

I will sign off with another Sad Batman meme I entitled, “No, Ben Affleck! I know it’s been 11 years but I will NEVER forgive you.”

sad-batman-meme- daredevil

Jojen and the Movie Factory

I was not the biggest fan of the book. I didn’t bother with the rest of the series and now, I am going to bother with it. The Maze Runner is coming to theaters Friday, September 19, 2014. Filming happened in Baton Rouge, LA last year late spring. It flew under EVERYONE’s radar. Its original release date was supposed to be Valentine’s Day of this year. The delay of that date means two things, 1. They realized how immensely unromantic it is to watch a science-fiction movie on Valentine’s Day and 2. That it was too terrible to release without working on it some more but not so terrible it couldn’t be at the tail end of a mediocre summer blockbuster season. (Have you heard? This summer box office is the lowest in 8 years.)

I saw both trailers, one looks weak and the other looks awesome. My main reason to see this film is Jojen Reed (Game of Thrones!). Thomas Brodie-Sangster is the actor’s name and in the movie he plays, Newt.

Jojen GOT

I love Jojen’s #Monday death meme. Its too macabre for a library blog but…Incredible!

What’s awesome is that I already have an interactive book trivia created. So there is a chance that we will do a Maze Runner Book Brawl. Send me an email if you’re interested or if you want the smart board program CHill@libraryconnection.info .

I have to be honest, it seems like Hollywood is cranking out any teen book they buy the rights to hoping its the next “Twilight”. You know what I’ve been waiting for? I’ve been waiting for Unwind, Neal Shusterman. The rights were purchased ages ago by Constantin Inc. They are a German movie distribution company. The only movie I’ve seen from them was on TV last year in Mexico and I had terrible nightmares; it was called, Perfume: Story of a Murder. The good news about my nightmares as a full-grown adult is that the Unwind is seriously dark and creepy. There is a chance that they won’t water down the true nature of the book and everything that makes it incredible. I’ll attach a video of a fan-made video of a mock “unwinding”. Unwinding is when they take apart a person piece by piece for re-distribution for those in need i.e. in need of a hand, eye(s), teeth… you name it. I showed it to a room of 50 people for my Unwind book brawl and the room was stunned silent.

Unwind Fan-made Unwinding

 Maze Runner Movie Trailer

Dubstep Workshop was a hit!!

Kody Hildebrand a.k.a. DJ Kranex. The teens went crazy for him. Within 30 minutes DJ Kranex created a sick loop. We have three videos showing how simple it can be to drop build and drop a beat. One teen made his own loop before the end of the class (listen below). I recommend Kody for anything, a party, a workshop, with kids. I also added a bonus video of his Street Magic sample he showed the teens.

Follow DJ Kranex:

Basics of Dubstep

 

Finishing touches on the group song

 

Julien S. – Dubsetp Workshop Creation

 

Sneak peak for next Tuesday, July 29 at 1 pm Program: Street Magic

More on this soon!

I just want to commend Marvel on its diversity. There has been a huge movement in the literary world to diversify Juvenile Literature. Before I can sit down and make a fully thought out response to all of this commotion, let us celebrate the new faces of Marvel. I would have been elated to have these characters to look up to when I was a child.

 

Thor (female form)

Thor woman

Multi-racial Spiderman

miles_morales_spider-man_02

Captain America who is African-American

Black Captain America

Zombies at Prosser

20140708_143417

Prosser Teen Zombie Horde

image

 

 

We had an awesome time hosting Special Effects Makeup Artist, Kyle Pasciutti. He taught us how to make fake puss, blood, burns, scabs, and peeling skin. We have tutorial videos and pictures of self-application. My make-up was all applied by Kyle and it only took him 5 minutes to make me look burned. Patrons at the library were too afraid to make eye contact with me. He is incredible! Take a look at his website: DecimatedDesigns.com

He was such a sweet person!

20140708_153618-1 (1)

Ms. Christina Zombie Teen Librarian

BLOOD Ingredients:

Light & Dark Corn Syrup : 4 Parts Light Corn Syrup + 1 Parts Dark Corn Syrup

Gel Food Coloring (Red and Green)

Tips:

Dawn Dishwashing Liquid (easy cleaning) just a drop.

Cinnamon Leaf Oil (prevents foaming of soap and prevents insects from being attracted to the corn syrup) just a drop.

Puss/Peeling Skin:

Clear Elmer’s School Glue

Borax

Food Coloring

Water in a Plastic Cup

This slideshow requires JavaScript.